I was on the 2/3 train on a Tuesday night at around 9 pm when somewhere between 14th & Wall St. three very boisterous guys got on the train. I looked up and could immediately tell by their garb they were Orthodox Jews. Orthodox Jews are not generally a group one associates with rambunctious subway behaviour. I immediately assumed they were teenagers. After all my years travelling on the various subway lines going into Brooklyn I have come to my own scientific conclusion that loud, obnoxious, teenage behaviour transcends race, gender, class or religion. Anyway, on closer inspection of their faces I knew they weren’t youngsters, they were in fact in their late twenties to early thirties.
The three of them huddled around a pole. One of them had the large black hat, plus three large H&M shopping bags, the second also a black hat and the third a yalmuka. I was struck by something with the one with the yalmuka. His pants were just a little shinier than I’d expect for an Orthodox Jew, and they just didn’t seem right, and that’s when I noticed it, they were a skinny jean cut! Five pockets, tapered leg and super snug. And the fringe from his tallis (they prayer shawl worn under the clothes) was not the regular white cottony fringe, it was almost silky and colorful. And then I noticed the pants on the one without the H&M bags…they were a really nice brown corduroy, and fashionably rolled up at the bottom, revealing not the regular flat black leather shoe, but a black suede desert boot with a slight square toe..think mod. Who were these guys?
The train jerked. H&M Bag and Brown Corduroy sat down. Skinny Jean then jokingly sat down on the lap of Brown Corduroy. What is going on? I thought to myself. I’ve certainly never seen pious Jews or any member of an extreme religious sect behave like this. Were they drunk? Did I time travel to Halloween? Were they part of a new sect of Jovial Orthodox Jews? The boys laughed, then Skinny Jean removed himself from Brown Corduroy’s lap and sat between him and H&M Bags. He then pulled out his iPhone and the three played a game. My eyes glanced downward and caught a glimpse of SKinny Jeans’ shoes…they were black runners…they had a label on them…they were Emporio Armani! I attempted to avert my eyes and not gawk (they were a few seats down from me) but I was drawn back in when Skinny Jeans put his arm around Brown Corduroy. Sweet, I thought, they’re pals.
But then…then….Skinny Jeans started playing with Brown Corduroy’s ear! Oh. My. God. They’re gay! And out. Well, out on the 2/3 at least. Now the 2/3 goes right into the heart of Crown Heights a very Orthodox neighborhood so I have no doubt they were not playing dress up, or heading somewhere where they could be free to touch each other’s ears in public without fear of retribution. But here they were, laughing it up like they were on Fire Island.
Seemingly bored with the game, H&M bag dug into said bags and pulled out a lovely white shirt upon which he held up a gray sweater vest, Skinny Jeans and Brown Corduroy nodded approvingly. They also admired his gray v-neck sweater, then resumed to game playing and ear caressing. During this time I tried to catch their conversation. But they way they were huddled over so I couldn’t hear. It definitely wasn’t English, maybe Hebrew. I couldn’t tell. As we pulled into Bergen St. Station I thought about staying on and following them, but I just couldn’t do it. I made sure to walk by them as I went to the door. I heard the language, it was french. And once again, just when I think there’s nothing else that can shock me, I’m faced with Gay Euro Trash Orthodox Jews.
